I've been getting migraines more frequently. The doctor was perfectly charming. I’m afraid to fill the prescriptions because they sound so strong. Take one per day and no other pills of any kind. Spray into your nose and don’t operate heavy machinery. I don’t want to mess with my brain. But Philip K. Dick did all his best work on amphetamines. Maybe I’m taking the wrong path. I had a dream last night. I was back at school and everything was simple. I was sitting next to a girl with dark hair and dark eyes who’s never really left my mind . She smiled at me. Everything was going fine until she leaned on my shoulder and I began to suspect that I was asleep. Sure enough, she kissed my mouth softly and the rest of the class went on writing. When I woke it was so vivid that I wanted to call her, but with a few minutes of daylight, it crossed my mind that she was seeing someone. I hope she’s happy. I wonder sometimes if she works too hard to ever really know. Or maybe she’s just been dodging me all these years and has a fulfilling life; I can’t rule it out. I wonder if I linger in her the way she lingers in me. I wonder what traces I’ve left in other people. I can understand that – the amphetamines – writing it all in a crazy burst. I ’ve written too many fragments. Eventually I start wondering if I should knit them all together just to give some false sense of accomplishment. Anne McCaffrey wrote Restoree in her Latin class but her bio doesn’t say how much Latin she did.

Day of the Beards

I heard a rustling sound from the corridor and glanced knowingly at Joe. “They’re back.” Together we flung open the door and fired our revolvers at the horde of beards gathering outside. We shot dead perhaps five of the beards and the rest scattered, but they would return before long, and the fact of the matter was there were more beards in the night than there were bullets in the drawer. I poured another glass of whiskey to steady my nerves. Joe flicked open his revolver and calmly slid another round into each chamber. Outside we could hear a dragging sound as the beards carried their fallen comrades away. They’d be back. They’d be back soon.

If you asked me

If you asked me, I would say the best thing about it is being able to see the stars again. But you can't ask me. You're dead. Everybody is dead, but it's you I miss most.

Another thing I like is how quiet it is now. Although it can get to me at times. Sometimes I shout, or talk to myself. I used to sing but I've been forgetting things and I prefer not to be reminded about the gaps. I can't remember what your face looked like. Somehow that hurts more than everything else we've lost.

I was at some work function a few years ago, and I didn't know anyone. I've always been rubbish at starting conversations, so I was just listening to the jazz lounge music and staring out the window. One of the few people I know came up to me, saw me staring at this tall, glittering tower, said to me deadpan: "Thinking of buying it?"
The joke is that he's dead and you're dead and everyone's dead. So it's my tower now, right? I miss you.

Frequently Asked Questions

I thought I'd take a break from the usual programming and answer some of the questions that I often get asked via email or through comments.

1. What happened to the cheese that was in the fridge?
Most of it is still there, I just felt like some cheese and broke off a bit and ate it but then later I regretted it because cheese is nicer if you have it with something.

2. When are you going to do the dishes?
There are still clean plates.

3. When you daydream do you get carried away? Do you follow daydreams for years and wish they were real? If you seriously want to be a writer why don't you spend more time writing?
I can't answer that question because you didn't punctuate sufficiently. Commas are your friend.

4. Are any of these questions real?
It depends what you mean by real.

5. Were any of them asked by anyone?
No, they were not.

6. Ok then...
That wasn't a question, as such it will not be included in my FAQ.

Should the Australian National Classification Scheme include an R 18+ classification category for computer games?

This is my open submission to the Australian Government's public consultation on introducing an R 18+ classification for video games. If you are unfamiliar with the background, this kotaku post gives a pretty good overview. To get to a public consultation is a step in the right direction, and in the spirit of participatory democracy I wrote the following.

This question should be straight-forward: Yes it should. We recognise that movies can contain content which is inappropriate for minors, so we have an R 18+ classification for movies. We know that this rating is not universally enforced, but the principle is clear: we draw a line between adult content and content suitable for minors.

There is no compelling reason to apply different standards to games. Right now, game developers who are producing games intended for adults must either forgo an Australian release or attempt to shoehorn the game into a lower classification. This costs money and attracts a negative reaction from the gamer community, both of which conceivably have negative effects on the livelihood of Australian game retailers. This is exacerbated in an era when games are sold online (gamers will ignore an Australian release and order the international version on sites like Amazon) and sold digitally (gamers can purchase software and download it directly using content platforms like Steam). The incentive to support Australian retailers is low if there is a perception we are purchasing a bowdlerised copy of the game.

This was widespread during the release of the co-operative survival game Left 4 Dead 2 (2009). Many gamers chose to circumvent the region restrictions – not because gamers are sociopathic junkies craving a violent fix, but because they wished to play the game as it was intended to be played. The often poorly expressed anger from the gaming community about decisions such as Left 4 Dead 2 is a symptom of the problem: the classification board is not able to perform its role satisfactorily while the ratings are inconsistent between games and movies.

There is no consensus in the psychological research on whether gaming can have a negative affect on the development and temperament of children. The discussion paper refers to this. Some research has shown that gaming can have a cathartic effect and act as a place for already-aggressive people to work out their frustration. In any case, violence stemming from video games is so rare as to be inconsequential compared to violence from sport, from road-rage, or even outside pubs.

An R 18+ classification would create an explicit line for parents to adhere to. Right now, it is all too easy to imagine a parent of a 12 year old in a retailer, looking at an MA 15+ game and saying to themselves “Well, my child is rather mature for a 12 year old. I’m sure this game will be ok for them”, oblivious that the game is aimed at adults. The absence of an R 18+ classification forces the classification board to either ban a game outright or force it into a category it does not belong to.

It is paternalistic in the extreme to prevent adults from purchasing games on the basis that the games are inappropriate for children. It reflects the ongoing belief that gaming is something that kids do. But games are capable of being art just as movies are. The merit of a work does not come from whether or not it is violent but whether or not it is good. Adults are gamers and should be able to access the same games that are available worldwide.

Of course, simply holding a public consultation doesn't mean that positive change will happen. But, ever the idealistic type, if I'm given an opportunity to voice my opinion, I will certainly voice it. If you're reading this prior to February 28th, head to the first link above if you'd also like to express your opinion. It has the discussion paper, which is reasonably balanced, and it has guidelines for submission.

I return now to the regular program. Which is pretty much "I'll post next time I write something I like, which might not be for six months or more".